Complex Childhood Trauma: A Client Case of Trauma and Healing

Sara’s dad showed traits of bipolar disorder throughout her entire childhood including impulsiveness, grandiose view of self, mood and financial instability, as well as significant cycles of depression.

As a child, Sara didn’t understand why her dad had these behaviors, as it was not a child’s job to know these things. Sara was exposed to these behaviors and dynamic in her home from age 0-8 until an order of protection was filed against her dad by her mom and a divorce followed.

From ages 8-20, Sara witnessed her father lose multiple jobs, have various girlfriends, live in a tent while looking for housing, take impromptu “road trips” and other things that modeled instability and emotional immaturity.

In her 20’s, Sara began settling down with family plans of her own and was married with a child in her mid-to-late 20’s. After years of disappointment, confusion, anger, and sadness towards Sara’s dynamic with her father. they ultimately had their final falling out around the topic of Sara’s wedding as it was not going how her dad thought it should.

In response to Sara’s decision about her wedding plans, her dad refused to attend the wedding, while leaving voicemails and writing letters that labeled Sara as a “bad daughter” that had been “brainwashed” by her mother and was “mean and ungrateful”. Followed by letters claiming to love her and wanting a relationship with her although empty of any efforts to change his hurtful behaviors.

Through tears and painful emotions and the realization that her dad can never be what she needs, she decided to go no-contact with him.

By age 30, Sara had learned to be her own hashish critic to protect herself from feeling rejected. She had learned to make lists to organize her thoughts, problem solve, stay organized, and be an excellent performer at home and work to stay “in control” and protect herself from being disappointment. She also had no memories of her childhood, drank a lot of wine, sought out conflict in any uncomfortable interaction to regain a sense of power and control, irritable with her husband and kids, hated anything related to compliments or accolades because life had taught her that she wasn’t good enough.

By her mid-30’s, after decades of shoving down feelings, blocking out memories, and avoidance, she started her therapy journey. She was diagnosed with delayed-onset PTSD and an OCD loop that convinced her she was “bad”. She first learned how to label her emotions. Then how to feel them. Then how to connect with a younger version of her who was emotionally stunted and wounded. Through EMDR processing of core beliefs such “I am not good enough”, “I need to please everyone,” and “I am not in control,” she was able to start believing things about herself like “It’s over and I’m ok now.”, “It wasn’t my fault”, and “I’m ok as I am.”

An example of one of Sara’s IFS/ Parts Work sessions is outlined below to better depict the nuts and bolts of her healing journey:

At this point of the session, Sara had successfully found a young part that felt responsible for the feelings of others and was in the stage of unburdening that part.

The young part (age 5) in Sara’s system was able to identify:

“Dad is not mean but he is scary. He loves us, mom does too, but I am tired. I’m always on alert. My tummy hurts. I am safe sometimes but dad is a lot. I want to hug him but he will just keep talking at me.”

(while unburdening) The young part then said to Sara “I want to make sure all my parts (and dad) are safe but I don’t want anything to do with them” 

Unburdening step of IFS continued during Sara’s session:

Part talking to her dad “I am sorry I couldn’t make you happy but it was never my job to do.”

Client visualizes her other parts move from the living room of her childhood home to the outside yard to watch this part burn her burdens in the fire bin.

Sara then visualizes the young part shifting from carrying the burden of being responsible for the feelings of others, into a new job of providing Sara with self-compassion.

Once Sara completes the unburdening process, she ends the session with more access to personality traits of being Mischievous, Funny, Goofy, Silly, Sassy, and the belief of “I am loveable as I am”.

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