The Overwhelm of Adding Another Baby
Let’s paint the picture: you finally start to exhale, your family unit is chugging right along, and you are starting to really settle in with the sweet babies you have now. Then, another baby announces it’s arrival and has accepted it’s invite into your loving home (YAY!).
But now, bring on the “Yay!” mixed with the “Oh Geez.”
Now that we have painted the picture, let’s unpack it…
You’ve been through the newborn stage before, but now you’re balancing the needs of your older kids alongside the demands of your tiny new arrival. You love being a parent, but adding another baby can make you feel like you're constantly wondering if you’re spreading yourself too thin or if your kids are getting the attention they deserve.
While it’s easy to second-guess yourself, you’re doing a great job. In fact, you’ve been killing it in the mom game since day 1.
And yet, we all still need a little pep talk sometimes!
Here’s how to navigate the overwhelm and feel confident in your role as a parent of multiple kids, even while adjusting to life with a newborn:
1. The Guilt of Dividing Your Attention
When you’ve already got a little one (or two.. or three…) who needs your attention, adding a newborn to the mix can bring out the guilt. You’re constantly torn between holding your baby, feeding them, and making sure your older kids are still getting the love and care they need.
But here’s the thing: it’s okay to split your attention. In fact, you kind of have to logistically. Your older kids are learning important lessons in patience, empathy, and understanding while you give the newborn the care they require. It’s not about giving each child equal attention all the time; it’s about showing them that they’re all important and loved in their own way.
What an awesome opportunity to model the balance between time-sensitive priorities and down time for your big kids!
2. Sleep Deprivation Hits Different
You thought you were tired after your first (or second) kid? And this time, it’s not just about you being tired; it’s about everyone in the house feeling the effects.
Yes, the sleepless nights feel endless, but soon enough, your baby will start sleeping longer stretches. In the meantime, don’t forget to ask for help when you can.
3. The Stuff—Times Two
If you thought you had a handle on your routine and your home when you had one (or more) kids, adding a newborn into the mix creates an urgency to establish new routines for your home to get back into a sense of normalcy for everyone. There’s suddenly twice the laundry, double the bottles, extra diapers, and a whole lot more baby gear to manage.
This is where you get the opportunity practice acceptance. Acceptance here is not co-signing the mess and the chaos or welcoming it. Acceptance as we are applying it here sounds more like “Yep, right on cue, I stepped on another toy that wasn’t put away and my body is feeling overwhelmed with the mess.” Or it sounds like “What if this mess is something I can handle? (Until we figure out a better system)”.
Leaning into acceptance here can be so helpful.
4. The “Am I Doing It Right?” Worry
You’re probably asking yourself, “Am I doing this right?” all the time. It’s easy to get caught up in the comparison game, worrying that your kids aren’t getting enough one-on-one time, that you’re not giving the newborn enough attention, or that you're somehow failing to balance it all.
Every family looks different. Every kid is unique. And you’re the expert when it comes to your family. It’s really that straight-forward. Your kids love you, your baby loves you, remember that you deserve to love you too. (Cheesey, I know, but embrace the cheeseness here.)
